Feeling down

I should be in a great mood. It's not swelteringly hot today. Bill is off of work. We got to go out to lunch and spend some time together. I got a manicure and a pedicure. I went to the doctor for my 37 week check-up and everything looks great (BP was down to 108/76 where it should be!!!). So why am I in such a crappy mood?

I'm going to be selfish for a minute

My uncle Bob is running for District Councilor this year. He's a great man who I support 100%. Since he announced that he is running, I have stuffed and addressed envelopes and volunteered to work a major fundraising event on Tuesday. As the summer goes on, I'm sure there will be plenty of other opportunities to help him out. The one thing I didn't want to do though, is go door to door to collect signatures for the ballot petition. I really don't want to do it. I get anxiety just thinking about it. So when his campaign manager (my cousin) asked for volunteers, I didn't sign up. I didn't feel guilty because I have signed up for literally everything else.

Well, Bob didn't know who signed up and who didn't and asked my dad if he thought I'd go door to door and my dad said yes. Bob showed up at my door on Thursday and said, "I heard you'd be willing to get petitions signed for me, thanks. Here are your petitions and addresses." I didn't know what to do or say. He gave me my street so at least it's close to home and a good neighborhood but I REALLY don't want to do it.

I haven't gone out yet because I didn't feel good on Friday and it rained all day today. I have until Tuesday to do it and I'm kinda freaking out. I can't do it Monday because it's my birthday and we have dinner plans and they are due Tuesday. That means I have to do it tomorrow and I'm really dreading it. To the point where I'm working myself up and crying as I type this. I feel like a baby. I feel like I should just suck it up and do it. I feel like I can't back out now. I just really don't want to do it.

Man, I am really miserable today.

Body Image

Before I got pregnant, I wasn't totally happy with my body. I'm tall and have a large frame but I also eat what I want and had a few pounds to lose. When I got pregnant I really tried to keep myself under control and not just eat whatever I wanted. I've done fairly well with this so far and have gained about 25 pounds which isn't great but I'm not totally unhappy with it. I'll probably end up gaining the top of the 25-35 pounds my doctor suggested. That being said, I love my belly. It's big and covered with stretch marks but it reassures me that our baby is growing and hopefully thriving.

I haven't felt bad about my pregnant body until today. I went to Target for a couple of things and decided to try on dresses to get an idea of what I like since I'll need something to wear to my shower and my mother in law's wedding. I found two sleeveless tops that I like but noticed that my arms have gotten bigger. The dresses I tried on just weren't flattering. Then I went to Motherhood to find new bras. I knew I need to be fitted because the ones I've been wearing are very uncomfortable. I wasn't prepared for the size though. 40F. 40F?!?!?! WTF!?!?! Of course they only carry underwire free in that size and they just don't make me feel supported.

So I found one bra that came in a 40E and it fit well enough to get for now. It's more comfortable than what I have been wearing so I got it to hold me over until I can get a bra that actually fits.

Then I tried on dresses. What a disaster. I felt like they all highlighted my arms or just made me look very wide. The shorter style dresses were all above my knees which just didn't flatter me. There was one full length dress that looked ok but it was really casual. I have time since my shower isn't until July 17, but it made me a big nervous that I didn't find anything that I liked and was appropriate. It's mostly worrisome because there are very few places around here to get maternity clothes. It's basically Target, Motherhood, JCPenney, or Kohls and I've looked everywhere except for Kohls so far.

Alright, enough complaining. I'm gonna go cuddle with my puppy dog and my husband.

Trying not to whine

I have to say, I've been extremely lucky in my pregnancy so far. I never had traditional morning sickness, I never threw up. I had food aversions and bionic fatigue for a couple of weeks but my first trimester really wasn't that bad. Second trimester was filled with tons of energy and weight gain that is on the high end but not enough to worry doctors. I felt pretty great. Until this week.

Depending on who you ask, the third trimester either starts at week 27 or week 28. My doctor and my favorite pregnancy book (The Pregnancy Countdown Book) say that week 28 is the beginning of the third trimester and I definitely felt it on Wednesday when I hit the 28 week mark. I had a few charlie-horse type leg cramps back in the second tri and my doctor recommended upping my calcium intake. That helped and the cramps disappeared for the most part. This week though, they are back with a vengeance. I got one in my left leg Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning and the knot is still there and still painful. Last night, I got a cramp in my right leg and the cramp is still a dull pain. I can't walk normally without it hurting. I tried stretching both legs out all day yesterday and last night before bed but it doesn't seem to be doing anything. Wahhh.

Then, yesterday I went for my bridesmaids dress fitting since I'm in a wedding on June 11. I ordered the dress back in January and got it 3 sizes bigger (eek!) and when it came in a month ago, I was swimming in it. Yesterday, it was huge in the boobs, shoulders, and back but slightly tight in the belly. The back puffed out in a way that made my butt look super extra wide as well as flat.

The seamstress was slightly baffled. She said we could take out the pleats in the back to make the back more flattering and free up some fabric for the front but in order to make the front look right we need to basically lift it up to an empire waist dress which then makes the hem length too short. There is a little bit of fabric they can let out in the hem to make it longer but I'm nervous. I go back tomorrow for another fitting and will go again the week of the wedding to make sure it all fits.

Ok, whining over. It's been a rough week between finding out that my cousin and his wife used the name we had picked out, the cramps, and the dress fitting. The good news? I am healthy. The baby is healthy. I have a wonderful husband who is my strength. I have a fabulous, supportive family. And of course, we're having a baby! It will all be worth it, I just know it.

Three in one day

Ok, I've had time to reflect a little bit on my day.

1) Hopefully my brainfart doesn't mess up my 1 hour glucose screening results, they will let me know how it went in the next day or two. Good news: they think the baby is head down now!

2) I'm very upset about the whole baby name thing but I have no one to blame or be mad at. I'm disappointed and sad that we can't use the name anymore. Some might say to go ahead and use it but this situation is different. Probably the most significant reason is the fact that my cousin's wife and I used to be best friends. We met in 9th grade and were the best of friends for about 10 years. We had our ups and downs but we ended up growing apart and had a big falling out about 2 years ago. Shortly after our falling out she started dating my cousin. My family is big, 21 grandchildren with all but 2 living in Syracuse, but we see each other a lot. They had a quick-ish relationship and got engaged about 2 months after Bill and I did and got married this past July. Things are awkward to say the least between us. She has not earned many brownie points with my family and not many of us like her. I can't use the same name as them. I'd feel like I was trying to steal their thunder or something.

I know that we will find another name and that the important thing is that our baby is healthy. He will be our son regardless of what name we choose. We'll end up liking the name we choose better because it will be his name.

I know all this but it just hurts so bad. She and I have a major history of her screwing me over and I feel like she did it again, even though she doesn't know it.

I told my sister and my parents about this and that's it. No one else will know. I don't want to make their exciting news about me and I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she got to me again.

It's time to move on and go back to the drawing board.

Our baby is no longer, Owen.

Sick

I have been incredibly lucky so far this pregnancy as far as being sick is concerned. I have had a lot of food aversions but not throwing up. I had strep throat the week before I found out I was pregnant and a sore throat about 2 weeks ago but nothing too bad. Until two days ago that is. Thursday I woke up with a terrible cough. I felt terrible but went to work anyway because, as my teacher friends know, sometimes it's harder to be out than to just go in.

I went in and hacked up a lung while signing in. My principal, who is probably the most robotic person I've ever met (when I told her my grandfather passed, she never said she was sorry just told me to fill out the correct paperwork to take time off), approached me and told me that I should get checked by a doctor and if I wanted to take a half day, she'd send me home early. I thanked her for her concern but said I'd try to tough it out. I lasted all of an hour before I started coughing so hard I gagged and threw up in the staff bathroom, twice. At that point, I gave in and went home. I called my doctor and they got me in that afternoon.

My doctor just shook her head and apologized, I had either bronchitis or the beginning of walking pneumonia with her leaning toward the walking pneumonia. She prescribed me some antibiotics and told me to take it easy. I stayed home yesterday and started to feel better.

Of course, nothing is ever easy when it comes to me. I woke up this morning with crazy sinus pressure and head congestion. I was coughing and hacking, gasping for breath...and I couldn't breathe through my nose. Sweet.

I gave my doctor a call and got the answering service who told me to go to urgent care. No thanks. I called my OB's office who had the OB on call call me right back (have I mentioned how much I love them!) who told me I'm allowed to take plain Sudafed. Praise the lord! I stumbled to Rite Aid (my wonderful husband works Saturdays) and bought the biggest box of Sudafed they have. 40 minutes after I took it, the sinus pain is cut in half and I breathe out of one nostril. Wow. The things that make us excited when we're sick!

I'm hoping these antibiotics continue to work and I'm back to 100% by Monday. Think healthy thoughts for me!