Having a rough day

It's 9:30am and I've already cried multiple times today. First, Bill had to work today because of the massive flooding in Binghamton. They weren't able to deliver to any of their stops in that area the last couple of days so Bill and 2 of his coworkers had to work today. Luckily, Bill only had one stop but it is 2.5 hours away. He should be home by noon.

The major reason I've cried today, though, is I just feel like I suck at this whole mothering thing. First, we've started supplementing with formula. Just one bottle a day for now. The reason being, that pumping is not going well for me. I get MAYBE 2 oz every time I pump and Tommy eats more than that at a feeding. When I go back to work, I'll be lucky if I can get 2 pumping sessions in each day between my lunch and planning period. 4 oz will not be enough to get Tommy through a day of daycare. I spoke to the lactation consultants at the hospital and the pediatrician and decided to give in to formula. I'm going to keep breastfeeding at night, hopefully. So for now, one bottle a day of formula. And Tommy does not really like it. So I feel guilty that we're introducing formula at all and I feel even more guilty that my baby doesn't like it.

The second reason I feel like I suck at being a mother is because I can not get Tommy to sleep at night consistently. I had one night where I really felt like I had a clue, then we had last night. At 8:00, I nursed Tommy to sleep and got him comfortable in the Pack N Play. 15 minutes later he started squawking so I went in to check on him and he started projectile vomiting, choking, and gagging. I scooped him up and cleaned him while Bill cleaned up the Pack N Play. Then Tommy was awake. I didn't want to try to nurse him again because I was afraid he'd vomit again, and he didn't seem hungry. I finally nursed him at 11 and he fell asleep and I got him in the Pack N Play again but he spit up and woke up again. This time I couldn't get him put back down in the Pack N Play and, if I'm being honest, I was too tired to try. So I let him sleep on my chest until 2. At that point I fed him again and he was WIDE AWAKE and FUSSY. Bill eventually got up with him at 3:30 and walked around with him for an hour so I could sleep. Then I nursed him again. Bill had to get ready for work and left by 4:30 and I was alone with a baby who had spit up twice and still hadn't pooped all night (this kid poops EVERY TIME he eats normally). So I gave up. I nursed him laying down and we slept for 3 hours together in our bed. Not good. If I was a good mom I would have stayed up with him or kept trying to put him down in the Pack N Play. If I was a good mom I wouldn't have given up.

What are we going to do? I need to get him sleeping on his own. He can't sleep in bed with us and he can't sleep on my chest forever. I need to get this figured out. Until then, I'm going to keep plugging along. And wiping my tears.