New Year's Eve

In true New Years Eve fashion, I am reminiscing about that past year. It sure was an interesting one. In 2010 I:

1. planned and executed an amazing wedding (if I do say so myself)
2. became a married woman
3. had my best friend, Melissa, move to DC
4. lost my grandfather with whom I was extremely close
5. thought I had been laid off from my job but found out it was actually safe
6. got pregnant.

There were ups and downs. The major thing in my life now is the fact that I am pregnant but the event that is effecting me the most right now is my grandfather. I was so close with him and loved him so much. He passed away suddenly less than a month before our wedding. He was so excited for the wedding and was greatly missed that day. He was greatly missed at Thanksgiving and at Christmas. I can't believe that he will never meet our little one. I know that I am exceptionally lucky to be 26 and have any grandparents alive but it doesn't make me feel any better knowing this. My grandmother is so strong but I feel like I can't ever break down in front of her, that I have to be strong for her. This is all over the place but I just need to spill my feelings.

Back to New Years. Bill and I will not be going out tonight because our plans fell through, I can't drink anyway, and Bill isn't really in the mood to do anything. Instead, I am making beef tips and gravy over mashed potatoes and we're going to snuggle on the couch. It sounds perfect to me.

I always feel like I need to make some New Years resolutions though I usually take the easy way out. One is always to be happy. I feel like I'm pretty good at fulfilling that resolution so that will be on my list again this year. My second resolution is to keep the house more in order so that we are able to have people drop in without me feeling embarrassed of the state of our house. I'll be honest, there are very few times when there aren't dishes in the sink, mail all over the tables, and cat hair in every corner. We need to be better at cleaning up. The next one is a scary one for me because I'm afraid I won't be able to follow through. It's to keep this baby inside of me safe and sound all the way through delivery and beyond. I'm still petrified of miscarrying and then scared of being a good mother after our little one is here. If we're being honest though, I'm more worried about miscarrying. I'm sure the parenting insecurities will come later in the pregnancy.

Well that's it. It's been a roller coaster of a year. Here's to 2011 being a fabulous one.